Where to start? I have a baby inside me and my hormones and my body are doing very wierd things.
My hypersensitive sickness is still awful. I get sick just going into my bathroom now and I know it really needs a clean (but the thought of cleaning it also makes me sick). People smoking also makes me close to puking and I honestly don't know why, it has just grossed me out all of a sudden. I still find it difficult to brush my teeth in the morning as that makes me sick, so just aim to do it midday.
Since week 16 I have been feeling interesting motions in my belly which feel like Ixxy doing a backflip, not like any other sensation you get in your tummy really. Then just in the last few days the movements have become frequent and distinct, lots of swirling about and kicking I think but it is a very strange feeling that I'm not entirely sure I like. It's ok when I'm at home and getting all maternal, but at work it makes me feel really odd. I went swimming today and it was like the baby was swimming as well, huge amount of movement.
Other interesting things, I got a random nosebleed for no reason (because of all the extra blood in my body apparently that can easily burst a little artery in my nose) I don't think I've ever just had a nosebleed start, unless I got hit in the nose.
Back seems a bit better than last week (where being on my feet for half an hour became extremly painful), bloating/loss of appetite has re-emerged, but not as bad as before.
And yesterday morning I woke up (after having funny pains in my breasts) to find little crispy patches on my nighty. I thought nothing of it, but about ten minutes ago I found new wet patches and discovered that my left breast in leaking. It's hilarious, but also means that this breast will likely produce more milk (I have about 4 times the number of montgomery tubercles on that breast and it appears to be ever so sliiightly larger) and that I'll be leaking it in very large amount by week 30 or so...so I'll have to wear breastpads in my bra.
Can't believe I'm lactating already, what possible good can that do? Will be cool if I can donate breastmilk through, if this is an indication that I will be making lots. I'm quite fasinated by it really, hope baby likes the yummy milk that my boobs can't wait to give it!
Ixxy the Embryo
Monday, 26 July 2010
Saturday, 24 July 2010
The Question of Dad
After a week off work (extremely thankfully missing our 2nd busiest day of the year, start of insane summer sale) and a week in the company of Annie and with her help - I have painted all the walls of the nursery! Yay! So it's a spring/mint green with a white rail that runs through the middle at the moment, ceiling got a little bit painty but nothing on the carpet and no other overlaps (we put down cellotape, which seemed the answer to all problems...but we discovered if left for more than two days it leaves the wall with a sticky residue).
During this time Ixxy's Dad/father/co-creater returned from a month-long holiday in
Australia with his girlfriend, during which time I made no attempt to contact him (because I'm trying to be mature and respectful about the whole thing) but he did send a couple of support messages which made me feel at ease and reassured me that I wasn't completely alone in all this. I also got the dates of return wrong and rang him 4 days before he got home at 5.45am Australia time (oops!) but aside from that all was well.
His girlfriend (as is completely understandable) wants him to have nothing to do with me but knows the story and appears to have forgiven us both after this sorry mess started. We have been in a vague sort of contact (which has been as adults and not a slagging match) and think we have made an effort to understand each other, which is probably key to sorting out just how involved said man should be.
I suppose I don't see how you can continue to both, stay with the love of your life, knowing that you not only were unfaithful but also made a baby with someone else whilst staying involved with your long-term ex-girlfriend and have a decent, friendly relationship with both her and your spawn.
But I'm hoping that somehow, both are possible. I finally made up my mind this week that I actually don't really want to weedle back in with my ex, it doesn't really achieve anything. Even if we were a 'couple' he'd still be studying in London and probably see Ixxy as much as if he was an absent father in a relationship with someone else. Even when we casually talked about perhaps seeing each other again we were both in complete doubt and the conversation went round in circles. I think the conclusion was something like 'for the good of mankind we should be a relationship and not meet other people' or something equally bizare.
Anyway, just thought I'd give a quick blog about him. He may or may not decide to be involved as yet, depends if he can keep up all this and a relationship. I'll hear soon, hopefully everything will be well and Ixxy will at least know about his or her father, and maybe a step-mum one day too. :-)
During this time Ixxy's Dad/father/co-creater returned from a month-long holiday in
Australia with his girlfriend, during which time I made no attempt to contact him (because I'm trying to be mature and respectful about the whole thing) but he did send a couple of support messages which made me feel at ease and reassured me that I wasn't completely alone in all this. I also got the dates of return wrong and rang him 4 days before he got home at 5.45am Australia time (oops!) but aside from that all was well.
His girlfriend (as is completely understandable) wants him to have nothing to do with me but knows the story and appears to have forgiven us both after this sorry mess started. We have been in a vague sort of contact (which has been as adults and not a slagging match) and think we have made an effort to understand each other, which is probably key to sorting out just how involved said man should be.
I suppose I don't see how you can continue to both, stay with the love of your life, knowing that you not only were unfaithful but also made a baby with someone else whilst staying involved with your long-term ex-girlfriend and have a decent, friendly relationship with both her and your spawn.
But I'm hoping that somehow, both are possible. I finally made up my mind this week that I actually don't really want to weedle back in with my ex, it doesn't really achieve anything. Even if we were a 'couple' he'd still be studying in London and probably see Ixxy as much as if he was an absent father in a relationship with someone else. Even when we casually talked about perhaps seeing each other again we were both in complete doubt and the conversation went round in circles. I think the conclusion was something like 'for the good of mankind we should be a relationship and not meet other people' or something equally bizare.
Anyway, just thought I'd give a quick blog about him. He may or may not decide to be involved as yet, depends if he can keep up all this and a relationship. I'll hear soon, hopefully everything will be well and Ixxy will at least know about his or her father, and maybe a step-mum one day too. :-)
Sunday, 18 July 2010
Annie is here! + Panics
I'm very happy that my loneliness and over-emotionalness has been lifted on the arrival of one of my best friends - who is brilliantly staying with me for the week :-)
Today was a typical Annie and Emma day, we had hot chocolate, ate sausages and watched lots of computer tele. She was knackered from her flight and I was a little bit breathless just from the walk so it was good to have a day of just relaxing before the nursery painting starts tomorrow.
Of course, usually there is a problem when me and Annie meet up. I'm either ill or have no money and today was no exception. After buying rolls and some pillows I have 10p in my bank account - which shouldn't be a problem since I now have an overdraft facility...
I applied for a standard account with overdraft facility last month, after I wasn't sure how I would pay for the repair of my motorbike - however my parents ended up paying and I now owe them near £500 at least. I feel awful. I don't want to be in this mess, it's so difficult to live off a part time job, even if half my rent gets paid. I seriously hope I'm allowed to do more hours and still get rent paid or this will be a genuine struggle that not even I can face head on.
The point to the story is - I couldn't withdraw money and I couldn't use my card - so therefore I assume I do not have an overdraft. This causes problems since I have a guest and even if we just eat the food I have, I will still need a good £100 for being out and about.
It's so depressing. I want to just enjoy the few 'me' and 'friends' times I have left without having no money or getting into debt with the bank or my parents. I can be sensible but only up till a point, I'm young, I'm not drinking (really starting to miss a nice glass of wine) yet my finace is just pittiful.
So I'm worried to say the least - I'm thrilled to have my friend here but I am anxious. I need to keep up my spending on the baby stuff or I won't have everything in time...at the same time, I need to eat, I need electric - and I still have an empty tank of oil. I will need at least one new bra pretty soon so that's at least another £20 probably.
I'm really starting to face that doing this alone is exceptionally difficult and emotionally draining. I get upset from being lonely (hormones not helping) and feeling a wierd, deep, unrequited love that just breaks my heart for feeling it.
I also worry a bit about my baby and hope that it's ok. I've had more dreams about losing it and some other nightmares probably just to do with the strain of doing this alone...
Awk I really don't meant to be so down. I know I'm lucky, everything could be a lot worse, and I'm so glad Annie is here with me.
But I don't feel I can really escape from any of this now, its like the crushing feeling on my lungs after a brisk walk and the pressure on my spine if I stand still for half an hour. There's nothing I can really do.
Just grin and bear it. Get on with it woman.
Today was a typical Annie and Emma day, we had hot chocolate, ate sausages and watched lots of computer tele. She was knackered from her flight and I was a little bit breathless just from the walk so it was good to have a day of just relaxing before the nursery painting starts tomorrow.
Of course, usually there is a problem when me and Annie meet up. I'm either ill or have no money and today was no exception. After buying rolls and some pillows I have 10p in my bank account - which shouldn't be a problem since I now have an overdraft facility...
I applied for a standard account with overdraft facility last month, after I wasn't sure how I would pay for the repair of my motorbike - however my parents ended up paying and I now owe them near £500 at least. I feel awful. I don't want to be in this mess, it's so difficult to live off a part time job, even if half my rent gets paid. I seriously hope I'm allowed to do more hours and still get rent paid or this will be a genuine struggle that not even I can face head on.
The point to the story is - I couldn't withdraw money and I couldn't use my card - so therefore I assume I do not have an overdraft. This causes problems since I have a guest and even if we just eat the food I have, I will still need a good £100 for being out and about.
It's so depressing. I want to just enjoy the few 'me' and 'friends' times I have left without having no money or getting into debt with the bank or my parents. I can be sensible but only up till a point, I'm young, I'm not drinking (really starting to miss a nice glass of wine) yet my finace is just pittiful.
So I'm worried to say the least - I'm thrilled to have my friend here but I am anxious. I need to keep up my spending on the baby stuff or I won't have everything in time...at the same time, I need to eat, I need electric - and I still have an empty tank of oil. I will need at least one new bra pretty soon so that's at least another £20 probably.
I'm really starting to face that doing this alone is exceptionally difficult and emotionally draining. I get upset from being lonely (hormones not helping) and feeling a wierd, deep, unrequited love that just breaks my heart for feeling it.
I also worry a bit about my baby and hope that it's ok. I've had more dreams about losing it and some other nightmares probably just to do with the strain of doing this alone...
Awk I really don't meant to be so down. I know I'm lucky, everything could be a lot worse, and I'm so glad Annie is here with me.
But I don't feel I can really escape from any of this now, its like the crushing feeling on my lungs after a brisk walk and the pressure on my spine if I stand still for half an hour. There's nothing I can really do.
Just grin and bear it. Get on with it woman.
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
Mini-Appointment
Had my second midwife check-up today at 9 o'clock at the hospital (My GP booking were already full!). I think, from start to finish it took about 10 minutes, which I almost felt annoyed about having walked for half an hour to get to hospital - but at the end of the day, if everything is fine and nothing else is needed then I shouldn't complain at all :-)
Blood Pressure is still good (and still better than it was 2 or so months before this whole pregnancy started), urine checked out absolutely fine and I asked if they could look up why I'd been set a letter about needing ambigious 'treatment' in the form of nasty anti-biotics, despite my previous urine being fine also.
I've always had 'wee' issues, a few times when I've had to send off samples it's come back with what the doctors informed me were 'small proteins' but nothing to worry about. The hospital has interpreted these as a 'probably UTI' which I clearly do not have, since my fluid intakes are really high and I have no symptoms whatsoever. So good call on not taking the anti-biotics - I told my midwife I would happily take them if they were really important and that I was also provided some thrush medication (yes, wonderful as that is it's just what anti-biotics tend to do to me) but she didn't think it should be necessary. Hurray!
Then, best of all another one of my team of midwives got her doppler out and geled me so I could hear Ixxy's little heart beating for the first time! My baby is still in there! It sounded like rapid watery pulses and I sneaked a look at the BMP to check with the old wives tale predictions: 159 BMP, which puts me in little girl territory (is there is any truth in that whatsoever). It was enough to convince my Mum anyway, since it was true with me and my brother, she even called Ixxy a real name over the phone, which I almost can't process yet!
My next appointment, nicknamed 'the big scan' was rescheduled and now takes place on the 10th of August and it'll be wonderful to see him/her again. I wonder if it's still as hyper as before!
I feel very tranquil and relaxed, despite being unable to find anywhere open to sell me food at 9.30 in town. Silly 13th bank holiday that doesn't exsist...
:-D
Blood Pressure is still good (and still better than it was 2 or so months before this whole pregnancy started), urine checked out absolutely fine and I asked if they could look up why I'd been set a letter about needing ambigious 'treatment' in the form of nasty anti-biotics, despite my previous urine being fine also.
I've always had 'wee' issues, a few times when I've had to send off samples it's come back with what the doctors informed me were 'small proteins' but nothing to worry about. The hospital has interpreted these as a 'probably UTI' which I clearly do not have, since my fluid intakes are really high and I have no symptoms whatsoever. So good call on not taking the anti-biotics - I told my midwife I would happily take them if they were really important and that I was also provided some thrush medication (yes, wonderful as that is it's just what anti-biotics tend to do to me) but she didn't think it should be necessary. Hurray!
Then, best of all another one of my team of midwives got her doppler out and geled me so I could hear Ixxy's little heart beating for the first time! My baby is still in there! It sounded like rapid watery pulses and I sneaked a look at the BMP to check with the old wives tale predictions: 159 BMP, which puts me in little girl territory (is there is any truth in that whatsoever). It was enough to convince my Mum anyway, since it was true with me and my brother, she even called Ixxy a real name over the phone, which I almost can't process yet!
My next appointment, nicknamed 'the big scan' was rescheduled and now takes place on the 10th of August and it'll be wonderful to see him/her again. I wonder if it's still as hyper as before!
I feel very tranquil and relaxed, despite being unable to find anywhere open to sell me food at 9.30 in town. Silly 13th bank holiday that doesn't exsist...
:-D
Saturday, 10 July 2010
Movement? Bump?
Ahhhh! A nice Saturday off, which in my opinion has been fairly spent (considering the insanely awful downpouring weather).
Firstly I would like to annouce that I am offically in maternity clothes. I had a bit of a panic/cry at work when my trousers arrived because I'd expected to be able to wear them straight away - my normal work trousers have been horribly uncomfortable for the last 2 weeks and I've been wearing old high-waisted black trousers that are stained with holes in the crotch (yes, like tramp trousers) which are uncomfortable as of this week. The reason for this (I assume) is because the ulterus is moving upwards and is no longer so low, so pressure in the middle of my tummy doesn't feel so good either. Anyway - the problem with the trousers provided by work is that they were long. Very, very long. I'm 5'7" so by no means short, I can wear 'long' length clothes and generally they are exceptable. These trousers came needing to be adjusted, properly hemmed - and after sitting on the floor in the admin office for 30 minutes with a stapler and a pair of scissor, I discovered that it would require a bit more professionism.
This led to me getting stupidly hormonal and upset that I had to spend 9 hours on my feet feeling really uncomfortable. I burst into tears and had to calm myself down in the toilets (no one saw me but when I went down and everyone said I looked upset I erupted into tears again...very embarressing.). My Co-ordinator, who although I disliked at first, is extremely supportive to pregnant women (for some utterly unknown reason) and tried to get me a pair of trousers from the sale floor (nice £35 of black pregnancy jeans) but eventually I met up with the lovely Helen from VM (Visual Merchandising) and she hemmed my trousers - Yay! I hate making a fuss but was glad that it got sorted :-)
At home I'm either in my painting clothes (Medium sized mans t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms, covered in paint) or PJs basically. I have more maternity stuff coming but until then I'm trackin' it. Obviously in public I still wear jeans and a decent top, or if I have visitors.
So I am pretty sure I have a bump these days and I get little odd feelings late at night when I am relaxed and still - something between a twinge and a poke, which I'm hoping is the start of Ixxy kicking.
Baby this week is pencil lenght, bulked out to about the width of an avocardo. Eyes and ears are in place and its grip and sucking reflexes are developing (it can suck its thumb and grab the umbillical cord!) amazing, but also quite strange.
A lady at work was buying for a sister-in-law's premmie, who was born 3 months early at 4lbs. Madness, if I was three months early Ixxy could make an appearance as early as September! That's no time at all! :-S
Due to Zoe's demands I will try and blog more frequently. Guys, seriously get accounts so you can comment rather than me feeling like I'm writing to myself...
Am I writing to myself?
Oh well :-) x
Firstly I would like to annouce that I am offically in maternity clothes. I had a bit of a panic/cry at work when my trousers arrived because I'd expected to be able to wear them straight away - my normal work trousers have been horribly uncomfortable for the last 2 weeks and I've been wearing old high-waisted black trousers that are stained with holes in the crotch (yes, like tramp trousers) which are uncomfortable as of this week. The reason for this (I assume) is because the ulterus is moving upwards and is no longer so low, so pressure in the middle of my tummy doesn't feel so good either. Anyway - the problem with the trousers provided by work is that they were long. Very, very long. I'm 5'7" so by no means short, I can wear 'long' length clothes and generally they are exceptable. These trousers came needing to be adjusted, properly hemmed - and after sitting on the floor in the admin office for 30 minutes with a stapler and a pair of scissor, I discovered that it would require a bit more professionism.
This led to me getting stupidly hormonal and upset that I had to spend 9 hours on my feet feeling really uncomfortable. I burst into tears and had to calm myself down in the toilets (no one saw me but when I went down and everyone said I looked upset I erupted into tears again...very embarressing.). My Co-ordinator, who although I disliked at first, is extremely supportive to pregnant women (for some utterly unknown reason) and tried to get me a pair of trousers from the sale floor (nice £35 of black pregnancy jeans) but eventually I met up with the lovely Helen from VM (Visual Merchandising) and she hemmed my trousers - Yay! I hate making a fuss but was glad that it got sorted :-)
At home I'm either in my painting clothes (Medium sized mans t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms, covered in paint) or PJs basically. I have more maternity stuff coming but until then I'm trackin' it. Obviously in public I still wear jeans and a decent top, or if I have visitors.
So I am pretty sure I have a bump these days and I get little odd feelings late at night when I am relaxed and still - something between a twinge and a poke, which I'm hoping is the start of Ixxy kicking.
Baby this week is pencil lenght, bulked out to about the width of an avocardo. Eyes and ears are in place and its grip and sucking reflexes are developing (it can suck its thumb and grab the umbillical cord!) amazing, but also quite strange.
A lady at work was buying for a sister-in-law's premmie, who was born 3 months early at 4lbs. Madness, if I was three months early Ixxy could make an appearance as early as September! That's no time at all! :-S
Due to Zoe's demands I will try and blog more frequently. Guys, seriously get accounts so you can comment rather than me feeling like I'm writing to myself...
Am I writing to myself?
Oh well :-) x
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Week 16 and Already Going Mad
Into week sixteen and I can gladly announce that the nursery is taking shape!
It's a lovely shade of fresh minty green, I've done the biggest wall completely (two coats of paint) and have the first coat done on the next one. I have made two little purchases which make me peculiarly ecstatic when in Ixxy's room.
Firstly, I was strolling down from the Housing Exectuative place when something caught my eye in a charity shop - it was a beautiful, musical, neutral mobile - for clipping onto the side of the crib. It's white and grey and plays 'Rockabye Baby' when you wind it up. I noticed the price - £8, and the brand - Mamas and Papas! You can easily pay £30 for a musical mobile of theres, and it turned out this one was actually brand new, never used. I absolutely LOVE it, I clipped it to the headrest on the bed currently in the nursery so it's displayed fully, and you can see it as soon as you walk in <3
There was another Mamas and Papas item I had noticed in my local baby store (literally a 5 minute walk from my front door!). I'd gone in to have a nosey before and found myself slightly overwelmed with the prams and carseats and decorations and toilet trainers and dummys and 'sock-on's...
But there was a lampshade I had seen that stuck in my head and made my heart leap a little. It was reduced down to £15 and was a beautiful design that I think goes lovely with my green walls :-). Today I bought it too, and put it up in the room, it makes me weirdly happy.
Overal I would recommend this 'nesting' as they call it, my brain is mostly just fuzz these days anyway so I don't feel like i've anymore to lose as such. I even sung to myself 'Ten Green Bottles' whilst painting, that's pretty looney - even for me.
Can you believe it took me the best part of an hour to remember what Feta Cheese was called? And I've been confusing 4 with 5 and coming into work early! Nightmare! And it's going to get worse when the baby is born I'm sure; I'll be lucky if I can remember my middle name - neverloan his/hers!
My weight is still exactly the same/less than before, but tummy looks like it did when I was nearly a stone heavier. Grrrr!
Lastly, I would like to say that the child keeps kicking my bladder with a due force and I rush off to the toilet a lot as a result when I don't really need it. Bad Ixxy! Oh, and that I would really, really, really like to have a poo.
PS. Here is my new shower curtain.
It's a lovely shade of fresh minty green, I've done the biggest wall completely (two coats of paint) and have the first coat done on the next one. I have made two little purchases which make me peculiarly ecstatic when in Ixxy's room.
Firstly, I was strolling down from the Housing Exectuative place when something caught my eye in a charity shop - it was a beautiful, musical, neutral mobile - for clipping onto the side of the crib. It's white and grey and plays 'Rockabye Baby' when you wind it up. I noticed the price - £8, and the brand - Mamas and Papas! You can easily pay £30 for a musical mobile of theres, and it turned out this one was actually brand new, never used. I absolutely LOVE it, I clipped it to the headrest on the bed currently in the nursery so it's displayed fully, and you can see it as soon as you walk in <3
There was another Mamas and Papas item I had noticed in my local baby store (literally a 5 minute walk from my front door!). I'd gone in to have a nosey before and found myself slightly overwelmed with the prams and carseats and decorations and toilet trainers and dummys and 'sock-on's...
But there was a lampshade I had seen that stuck in my head and made my heart leap a little. It was reduced down to £15 and was a beautiful design that I think goes lovely with my green walls :-). Today I bought it too, and put it up in the room, it makes me weirdly happy.
Overal I would recommend this 'nesting' as they call it, my brain is mostly just fuzz these days anyway so I don't feel like i've anymore to lose as such. I even sung to myself 'Ten Green Bottles' whilst painting, that's pretty looney - even for me.
Can you believe it took me the best part of an hour to remember what Feta Cheese was called? And I've been confusing 4 with 5 and coming into work early! Nightmare! And it's going to get worse when the baby is born I'm sure; I'll be lucky if I can remember my middle name - neverloan his/hers!
My weight is still exactly the same/less than before, but tummy looks like it did when I was nearly a stone heavier. Grrrr!
Lastly, I would like to say that the child keeps kicking my bladder with a due force and I rush off to the toilet a lot as a result when I don't really need it. Bad Ixxy! Oh, and that I would really, really, really like to have a poo.
PS. Here is my new shower curtain.
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