12 weeks 5 days Ultrasound

Well, this morning my 5" long pillow arrived - Hurrah! Hoepfully this will improve my comfortableness during sleeping.

The scan on friday was truely amazing - I wasn't expecting to see anything much (I'm a bit of an ultrasound cynic) but was excited regardless.

Apparently it helps if you have a full bladder, which I did not due to them insisting that I give them some wee-wee. I think nurses actually think you have two bladders.

So I took my belt off and my knickers were shuffled down just enough to see some nice pubes poking over the top - but I didn't care. She lubed up my stomach then pressed down with her scanner.

And there it was. Plain as day, something that (to my suprise) clearly resembled a baby. It was about 7cm long inside me and seemed keen on doing acrobatics and swimming about. I had no idea babies that small could move so much! It's really wierd that I can't feel him/her when he/she moves. It kicked it legs and seemed keen on swimming upside down, even the doctor was laughing! I couldn't speak, my eyes had the beginnings of some deep emotion that I am not sure I have felt before, and my mouth remained a little open though smiling.

Because I don't have a camera, or in fact anyway to get the scan picture onto the internet, I've decided to draw you a copy.



Try and imagine that looking more like an ultrasound picture and that's basically it. All looks good so far, if there are problems I should find out after the next scan.

I am quite excited now. :-)

And the Scan's in 2 days!

Sorry! It's been more than two weeks since my last post and quite a lot has happened. Firstly, I have decided that I really want a homebirth and started looking at purchasing a birthing pool. I had a fair idea of price before, around the £100 mark, but am really surprised to see that even second hand, they fetch about £70!

So I've decided, that instead of a birthing pool, I am going to buy a large paddling pool.



Doesn't that look friendly? The kind of pool you'd love to give birth in :-D, of course, I may still hire one but if the prices are near, then I'll go with a paddling pool.

Other news.

Alastair has moved out, which has bought we both peace and paranoia. The fact that he's not here means the toilet is always clean, the seat is down the window is closed, cat fur isn't EVERYWHERE. I scrubbed the bathroom crazily about two days ago and it's as clean as when we first moved it :-) I did the shower cable and the tiles and everything! (Something to my knowledge that Alastair never did on bathroom-cleaning duty). Got myself a hoover so that's todays task sorted!
However, at night I do get a little creepy feeling of young-woman-alone, I worry that people are watching the house, imagine the doorbell ringing at stupid times...it's very silly, but living alone requires some getting used too.

My scan is in two days, and I definately feel pregnant now. My belly is sticking out and I can't hold it in, at first I presumed that I'd gained weight since the main sickness had passed, but no! I'm the same weight...just with a sticky-out belly. Plum-sized Ixxy is starting to make an appearance already...next thing you know I'll be feeling it kick :-S

I have a bad feeling that I'm going to run out of money this month (not good) so it's sensible spending from here on in. (Sensible spening = just food.) I may start the "living off noodles and tinned soup" experiment.

I've taken a liking to fromage fois, but I seem to be only able to get the tiny kiddy pots, I'm munching my way through Thomas & Friends at the moment.

Here's an excellent wee chart I found which sums up pregnancy wants perfectly :-)



And finally, I'm starting to think about the Nursery. I'm thinking either Caterpillar or Owl themed, which a cool tree somewhere. Matthew thinks these are the two most frightening creatures I could put on the childs walls (except for tigers, which he is most frightened off) and instead suggested I have a gizzly bear and a polar bear fighting on one wall, and a parasitic wasp planting eggs into a caterpillar on the other. I think I'll stick with Owls. Big scary eyes or not!

A Worried Quicky

It's look like my idea of recieving emotional support from either of my potential fathers is non-exsistant.
Alastair confirmed yesterday that he wants nothing to do with the baby regardless if it is genetically his or not. He seemed adamant that if it was his, then he wouldn't be paying for it either - however I've explained that this is not optional.
Matthew told his mum about the pregnancy and I got a quick dash of convo today when he rang me at 9ish. I think his family is also encouraging him to stay uninvolved, despite him weighing the idea up repeatedly in his hands. I can't make a man want a child or love a child, I can only hope that someday, this baby will have a Dad. If not either of these men then someone I will potentially meet.

I got very depressed about the pregnancy this evening and had a little cry. I just so want to say to Ixxy "You're Daddy is an artist" or something to that affect. Not to say "you're Daddy didn't want you. You don't have a Daddy because he doesn't want to see you". That's what upset me, that and the idea of being a very lone parent on this journey.

I found tremendous comfort and happiness in the blog "Story of two Moms" which I am now stalking happily. Hearing about the couples joy for their triplets after two years of wanting to start a family is just amazing and it makes me appreciate how lucky I am.

The morning sickness is basically gone, occasionally brushing my teeth at night sets me off (which i'm sure is making a mash of my previously prefect teeth) but most food is good and I'm into salads and fruit again :-). (accept today when all I ate was a KFC, but that is generally not a great example of my current eating habits.)

Sleeping is getting worse, my back is really sore and I find myself tossing and turning in my sleep a lot. I have a lot of disturbing dreams, mainly about starting my period and/or miscarrying. Usually I'm not very emotional about it, but I did have a very traumatic one recently which upset me and made me check myself as soon as I woke up.

Lots of sexual dreams too, and generally the need of sex. I haven't had sex in nearly a month which is pretty close to the longest time ever since I became sexually active. My urges have returned, but my lack of partner means sex isn't really possible...

Another dream is the actual birth dream. Usually in my dream I have a boy, but in my most recent I produced twin girls. I remember being in a crowded room full of people I didn't know and they were all passing my girls around...and I got really upset and tried to put them back into their cot...

I've packed away Alastair's glasses and crockery, so the place is starting to feel more like mine...it's very strange, the concept of being on my own both alludes and upset me.

Anyway, that was a very quick and unstructured blog and I will do a better one really soon.

Promise!